Culturally Offensive
by knives4cash
Summary: Team RWBY is culturally offensive. Hilarity ensues. Credit goes to Kira-2501 and ShadowLord64 for RWBY on a plane (airship) and British RWBY respectively.


There is something about the smell of fresh leather that is just so... unique. I look around. It's a small compartment with four seats. On one side, Yang and I sit. Across from us sit Ruby and Weiss. A window on each of the two remaining walls allow enough light in. Sighing with contentment, I adjust my monocle with one hand and steady my tea plate with another. "This is a most peaceful ride." I observe.

Weiss tips her head, and subsequently her top hat, towards me. "Most definitely, Miss Belladonna." She hums, taking a sip of her own tea.

I sip mine. "Quite so." I turn to Yang. "You have been uncharacteristically quiet, love." I ask, "What troubles you?"

"Mmmh." She grunts, fanning herself with one hand and holding her tea in the other. "Tis an issue with the temperature of this compartment." Yang pants, "It does not suit me." She tugs at the neck of her suit.

I scoff. "And yet you insist upon making a literary pun?"

"I see no need to apologize." Yang declares as she begins fanning herself with her top hat.

Stamping the ground with her cane, Ruby asks, "Would you care for a bit of a breeze, sister?"

Yang lights up. "Why, I do believe that I would indeed enjoy a breeze!"

"Smashing!" Ruby exclaims as she taps a button on the wall with her cane. The windows open up, and every single thing that isn't buckled in or nailed down flies out of the room.

The four of us collectively shriek amidst the roar of the wind. Yang's hair flaps in it like a flag.

Ruby hits the button again, and the windows shut.

Weiss declares, "That was a terribly ignorant idea, love." She attempts to straighten out her hair.

"Quite so." I agree as I deal with my head of hair now without its top hat.

"Most definitely." Yang nods as she tries to pull hers back behind her head.

"Well, I do believe that my efforts were genuine." Ruby grumbles as she opens up a glove compartment in the wall and pulls out four monocles. She offers one to each of us.

Placing it over my right eye, I reach over to my right and open up a compartment that holds top hats. Team RWBY resupplies.

"Next time, we shan't open up windows while in flight!" Yang declares as she reaches up and unstraps a set of four spare walking canes from the ceiling.

Excellent, now we are completely resupplied.

"Unfortunately, this knowledge came at a cost of tea." Weiss sighs.

"Then let us bring out the crumpets." Ruby suggests.

"Very fine idea, sister!" Yang smiles.

I nod. "Indeed, it is a fine idea."

"Most definitely." Weiss agrees as she presses a button on her chair. "Butler. We require crumpets."

The door to my left and Yang's right opens up. In steps Nora Valkyrie dressed in a suit, wearing a monocle and top hat, and supporting a tray of steaming crumpets with one arm and her walking cane. "Crumpets, master?" She asks, setting her cane down so that she may support the tray with both hands.

"Indeed." Weiss murmurs as she transfers one from the tray to a saucer and removes the saucer.

"Yes, please." Ruby takes a saucer and crumpet.

"Quite so!" Yang hastily takes her share.

"Thank you." I nod in appreciation as I take mine.

"Now go away." Weiss commands with a wave of her hand.

Nora bows. "Of course, master." She tucks the empty pan under her arm and collects her cane, careful not to let her top hat slide off. She leaves the room.

"What shall we do now?" Ruby asks as we nibble on our crumpets ever so daintily.

"Perhaps we could partake in a game of high class and sophistication?" Yang offers.

"I vote against such a suggestion. We are most aware of your perversity." Weiss deadpans.

"I second the motion." I nod towards Weiss.

"I resent such inclinations." Yang huffs as she finishes her crumpet.

"I have a solution." Ruby offers.

Yang looks to her. "Does it involve Yang and I leaving the room and giving you two some alone time?" Weiss gawks at her.

"Sweet lord." Weiss murmurs with a shake of her head. "Such perversity."

"What is this idea you have conjured up?" I ask Ruby, raising my eyebrow at her.

"We could push this big, red button." She points to the ceiling with her walking cane. There, in the middle of the ceiling, sits a big, red button. I wonder how I didn't see that before.

"All in favor of pushing the big, red button?" I ask, looking at my fellow cohorts.

"Aye." Yang taps the floor with her cane. "I am most in favor of this endeavor."

"I am not." Weiss shakes her head. Ruby pouts at her. "Love, it's a button, and it's red. That is doing nothing short of screaming for trouble."

I sigh. Looking at my watch, I see that we shall be here for another hour. "I am in favor." I declare. Some excitement that doesn't involve Yang ravaging me would be most welcomign.

"Then it is settled!" Ruby declares.

She pushes the button with her cane.

Two hatches open up in the ceiling, and landing on the floor with are two giant piles of snakes.

"SWEET LORD!" Weiss exclaims, pushing them away with her cane.

"Ack!" I start pushing them back. "Don't push them over to me, you dolt!"

"Well I certainly do not wish to be vanquished by a venomous bite!" Weiss shouts back at me as she keeps pushing them over to me.

"Sister." Yang asks calmly, "Perhaps you should press the other button?"

"Perhaps indeed, sister." Ruby declares as she hits the ceiling button again. Two additional piles of snakes fall out, mixing with the others. Weiss shrieks again.

"The OTHER button!" Yang yells,jabbing at the massive pile of snakes with her own cane.

"Ah! Of course!" Ruby hits the button on the wall, and the windows open up again. Our top hats, monocles, top hats, saucers, and the multitude of snakes are sucked out.

The windows shut again.

Sighing, we all begin to straighten out our hair again.

"All in favor of not pushing any more buttons?" Weiss demands.

"Aye." We collectively answer.

* * *

A/N: We did a thing! watch?v=tRx2Bd2_MSg&lc=sCTTFmz1QAdOlnc_1HI4RVCHF4C2smxP6eo2PQgYw6w


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